Is it a carol if it’s awful?

I don’t listen to 96.5 KOIT-FM “Lite Rock, Less Talk” at all during the year until the day after Thanksgiving. And then I listen to it every day when I’m in the car until December 25. Roughly 30 days of KOIT, depending on how late in the month Thanksgiving falls.

Why? Because during the Christmas season KOIT plays nothing but Christmas music. And I’m a sucker for Christmas music.

There is, however, some truly awful Christmas music. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that, and I appreciate fun and lighthearted Christmas music as much as the next person (yes, I always turn the volume up on this one), but following are what I consider the five most cringeworthy Christmas songs.

Actually, cringeworthy may be too kind. These are the songs that might make your ears bleed. Consider yourself warned.

#5 Christmas Wrapping – It just hurts my ears and please, fortheloveofgod, take a breath!

image: rottentomatoes.com

#4 Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer – This song was released when I was in high school, and became so popular that 21 years later an animated TV special was developed around it. (Don’t be fooled by the singer, it’s not Willie Nelson, who actually did right by Frosty the Snowman.)

#3 I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause – Another horrific holiday tune that was developed into a made-for-tv movie starring Corbin Bernsen and Connie Selleca. This song was released in 1952, sung by pre-teen Jimmy Boyd (words cannot describe his voice), but it has been covered by practically everyone from the Jackson 5 to John Mellencamp. Oddly enough, Amy Winehouse actually does a pretty respectable version of this irritating Christmas song.

image: coverbrowser.com

#2 All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth – Oh my, this song was recorded and released the same year as Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer and yet it still reached #1 on the Billboard chart. Thankfully, no TV movies or cartoons were made based on it.

#1 Do They Know It’s Christmas? – This song, written by Bob Geldoff in 1984 to raise money for Ethiopian famine relief, is a stealth awful Christmas song. It would appear to be admirable, raising over $14 million for its cause and attracting the decade’s most acclaimed singers, like Sting and Bono. However, even Bob Geldoff has admittedI am responsible for two of the worst songs in history. One is Do They Know It’s Christmas? and the other one is We Are The World.” My personal beef is with the lyrics, notably “Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you” – these words seem particularly un-Christian and most definitely not in the spirit of the season.

What would be on your top five list?

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2 Responses to Is it a carol if it’s awful?

  1. wordbone says:

    Just found your comment way at the bottom of my comments…the rss feed is right at the top of the home page at wordbone.wordpress.com, next to the about wordbone and who is wordbone. Come again, please! Enjoy your refreshing look at life. You’re on my feed too!

  2. tired mom says:

    Ok, I can’t speak for the other songs (they are awful), but I actually love “Do they know it’s Christmas” — I’m with you on the lyrics — they are terrible and I can’t even believe they got through the process of writing the lyrics, and having a producer read the lyrics, and then having singers sing the lyrics, without *someone* along the way going “Wait a second here, are you serious?” But I love the tune and how it builds, and if you just sing along and make yourself forget what you’re saying, it’s a lovely song. ; )

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